How do you take time to spread the love with your little ones? There are so many inexpensive ways you can show your children how much you love them without having to spend a dime.
I like to surprise my daughter and show her that I think of her even when we are not together by leaving her little surprises in her lunch box. This time, I carved “love u” and a couple of hearts in a carrot. And underneath the first layer, I had carved more stars and hearts. She loved it… And so did her little friends!
Other times I make a tiny card where a draw something real simple and i write her a nice thought. I may also draw something and write a note on a paper towel that I fold and place on top. Finally, sometimes I leave a little love note in a tiny tin container that she gets to open.
There are so many different ways to say I love you. The fact that you take the time means a lot to these little beings. It tells them that they matter. These little marks of attention are priceless and go a long way in feeding your children’s self esteem. Even away from you, they are reminded that you care and that they matter.
So start spreading a little love and leave little love notes to your child. Cut their sandwich in the shape of a heart. Cut a bunch of hearts in construction paper and place them in their lunch box. Leave them a note in their shoes or on their pillow, or in their pencil case, or in their text book. There are so many places where you can leave these little footprints of the love you have for them. And don’t go buying those ready made notes they sell at Hallmark. Make your own. If you are busy, make a few ahead of time so that they are ready for the week. No need to be fancy. What matters is that it be heartfelt and sincere. Use your imagination. Do it while you are watching TV if you have to. Make the time, take the time. Your child is worth it. And who doesn’t like to be reminded that they are loved?
Teaching your children that they have choices empowers them. It moves them away from victimhood, blame, and helplessness. But first, it starts with you.
YOU need to believe that YOU have choices, every step of the way. You may not be able to control external circumstances but you sure can control how you respond to a certain situation. You can empower yourself, see the gift, learn the lesson, or… you can be victimized by it. In the former, you will feel better, I can guarantee you that. As it has been said many times “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional”. Choose to not suffer, and let pain be your guide, not your enemy.
Thus, teach your children from the time they are little that they have choices and choices entail consequences. Consequences are our greatest teachers. Don’t rob them of the rich lessons life can bring them.
Obviously, we need to adapt the kind of choice we offer our children to their level of development. Some choices are not meant to be made by children. Use your judgment and learn from books, blogs, or parenting experts. There is a fine line… you don’t want to create a spoiled brat, a monster, no more than you want to confuse your child or have them suffer a consequence they are not ready to handle, no more than make a decision on something they are not ready to tackle. All in due time 🙂
Once you have grasped this concept. The next important factor to take into consideration is to make choices based on love, not fear. Choices born out of fear or guilt, are choices we regret later. So learn, and then teach, the process of making a choice…. Am I making this choice because I am scared or because I love myself, the other or the situation. Don’t choose fear.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Audio Version of the Blog Below:
Our children are also here to grow us up. A healthy parent-child relationship is not a relationship of dominion of one person over another. Our children are entrusted to us and we are to be their teachers and their protectors. There is a healthy level of authority over them but not for the sake of dominance. This is a relationship where both have something to contribute and to teach to the other.
Don’t treat your child as a lesser version of you. Be aware that the parent-child relationship offers a mutual contribution to those involved, and offers both individuals the opportunity to grow. You have as much to learn as your child does. Your child will reawaken those parts of you that were dormant, and most likely were put to rest when you yourself were a child. Your children will push your buttons and you will be forced to look in the mirror if you choose to truly evolve as a person and as a parent. You can fight it and take a stance of domination or be grateful for the opportunity your child is offering you to also grow up, and heal those wounds that your child so cleverly brings back to the surface.
When children push our buttons, test the limits, push back, take a stance, and we perceive all these behaviours as opposing our authority, we are making a mistake. Our perception is faulty. It is not about us, or about intentionally defying us with a nasty intention behind it. We are the ones who attribute a negative interpretation or intention behind these behaviours that push us over the edge at times, or make us so angry. If we make it about this, we miss the point.
When a child pushes our buttons, it is important to take a step back, breathe and think. Realize if your emotional reaction to this behaviour has its roots in your own past. Most likely yes. By realizing this, you can tone it down and be present to the here and now, and respond to your child, not from a place of pain related to past wounds, fear or guilt. Usually when you do this, the intensity of your emotions will be greatly reduced. This is the gift, because when you realize this, you will parent your child based on his or her needs and not based on a past that is not healed. And then, you are truly present to your child.
When we see the relationship as a mutual opportunity for growth and collaboration, we truly attend to the child’s needs more than to our own personal agenda, which can be steeped for example in not wanting to be like our parents, or with being obsessed with the fear that your child is running your life.
So parents, when you realize that your children are equal to you, and deserve the same respect that you require of them; when you realize that you, as well as they, need to grow up; when you realize that you can learn from them as much as they can learn from you, you will fuel their self esteem in a positive way. This will give them a sense of value and worth because they will not be made to feel less than you or inferior.
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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When you realize that your reality is created by all the choices that you make, maybe you will make better or different choices for yourself, and maybe you will stop blaming others for the outcomes of your life.
Take a moment and look back, carefully put down that defensive wall. For a moment step away from that perception of yours that tends to blame the other person, and consider that you might be responsible for the outcomes that come before you. Except for unique circumstances (e.g., being a victim of rape, of a robbery,or reckless driver, or a natural disaster), we rarely are victims of other people, especially if it seems to have become a pattern in your life.
Your choices, or the lack thereof (e.g. your passivity), do have an impact it is unquestionable. That is just the reality, for all of us. If you look carefully, usually there is a chain of events that have lead you to where you are now. At every crossroads you have a choice to take road A or road B, and with every choice is attached a different outcome. At times you need to weigh your choices more carefully. When we make choices out of fear, or guilt, usually these are choices we regret later in the future.
If, at times, you choose to perceive a situation as having a negative outcome, as being a negative situation, or a trauma, or an injustice, how you respond to that situation is your choice and your choice alone. You can choose to be victimized by a situation or you can choose to find the gift in adversity and grow and learn from it, and subsequently make better choices in the future. You can select to break negative and dysfunctional patterns. Your past is over and done with. It no longer exists but you are the only one keeping it alive in the present moment. It is no longer. Move ahead.
As long as you look outside of yourself for answers, as long as you blame others for the life you are living, you will continue to make the same mistakes and place the responsibility of your life in the hands of others. Know that you always have a choice. Even in jail, you have choices. You can make the gates your prison and let it consume your internal or external freedoms, or you can decide that the confinements of your space will not rob you of the freedom of your thoughts and of your spirit. Deep inside, we are always free.
It is quite an act of courage and of growing up to take responsibility for our own lives and our own choices. When we cease to blame others, it means that only we can be accountable for the outcomes that ensue… not everyone is ready to make themselves responsible in such a way. It is much easier to blame others, our past, our circumstances. This way we don’t have to grow up…and we can continue to be angry at the world.
However, the flip side of doing this, is that the price to pay is high… loss of freedom, loss of joy, loss of happiness, missing out on wonderful opportunities, big and small.
There is no failure in my book. Mistakes, poor choices, are simply life lessons that can make us stronger and wiser, and in the end better people.
Your life depends on it! Your sanity depends on it. Your children COUNT ON IT. Be you, be the true you, love you because you are all you’ve got! And what you’ve got is awesome. Be brave, be yourself, love yourself, speak out and stand up for yourself. Be the person you want to admire in your children if you have children and if you don’t, just be you for your own sake. Life is short.
The greatest gift you can give yourself in this lifetime is to love yourself. If you love yourself unconditionally you make better choices, you surround yourself with people who let you shine your brightest light, who accept you for who you are, who honour you, who bring you up.
Be brave, step into your life with all your might, be proud of who you are, old wounds and all. They have shaped who you have become, they are not a scratch that make you damaged goods. Honestly, look at your wonderfulness! Look in the mirror, stare in those eyes of yours, stay there, for a while and look at your essence. You are an amazing human being. You just need to believe it now. And if you don’t, fake it until you do believe it. Reprogram that mind of yours.
If you need inspiration, listen to the song I have attached below and read the lyrics. And do be brave, and decide that today is the day that you put an end to that negative self talk. Get out of the shadows, speak up, let the words pour out of your heart and step up, stand up for yourself. Clean out your house and the attic of negative people that keep you down. Make space for new wonderful people to fill in the void that these people will leave. Light will attract light, darkness attracts darkness. So turn on the light to cast those shadows away! Let them go, they are no use to you anymore. Turn over that page of your past, let it go. It no longer serves you, really. It only keeps you stuck in a time frame that no longer exists.
Change can be scary but when you know that beauty awaits on the other side, it is worth to face your fears, tread the mucky waters to end up on a beautiful crystal beach 🙂
Don’t let the shadow win.
Love and Light to you from me!
You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
Innocence, your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
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